Published on , 708 words, 3 minutes to read
I'd like to bring up something that has been hanging over my head for a long time. This is something I did try (and fail) to properly express way back in middle school, but now I'd like to get it all of my chest and let you know the truth of the matter.
I don't feel comfortable with myself as I am right now. I haven't really felt comfortable with myself for at least 10 years, maybe more; I'm not entirely sure.
At this point in my life I am really faced with a clear fork in the road. I can either choose to continue living how I currently do, lying to myself and others and saying everything is normal, or I can cooperate with the reality that my brain is telling me that I don't feel comfortable with myself as I have been for the last almost 22 years. I feel like I don't fit inside my own skin. I think it is overall better for me to face the facts and cooperate with reality. I have been repressing this off and on out of fear of being shot down or not accepted the way I want to be seen to you all. This has been a really hard thing for me to think through and even harder for me to work up the courage to start taking action towards. This is not a choice for me. I need to pursue this.
In fact, I have been pursing this. My current business cards reflect who I really am. My co-workers accept my abnormal status (when compared to the majority of society), and even will help stand up for me if something goes south with regards to it.
I fully understand how much information this is to take in at once. I know it will be difficult for you to hear that your firstborn son is actually a daughter in a son's body, but I am still the same person. Most of the changes that I want to pursue are purely cosmetic, but they are a bit more noticeable than changing hair color. I feel that transitioning to living as a woman like this will help me feel like I fit in with the world better and help to make me more comfortable with who I am and how I want other people to see me. Below I have collected some resources for you to look through. They will help for you to understand my views better explained in language you would be familiar with.
I have been trialing a lot of possible first names to use, Zoe (the name you were going to give me if I was born a girl) did come to mind, but after meditating on it for a while I have decided that it doesn't fit me at all. The name I am going with for now and eventually will change my official documents to use is Christine Cadence Dodrill.
Additionally I have been in a long-distance relationship with someone since mid-June 2014. His name is Victor and he lives in Ottawa, Ontario. He has been helping me a lot as I sort through all this; it has been a godsend. He is a student in college for Computer Science. He knows and is aware about my transition and has been a huge part of my emotional line of support as I have been accepting these facts about who I am.
Above is (a snipped version of) the letter I sent to my parents in the last 48 hours. With this I have officially come out to all of my friends and family as transgender. I am currently on hormone replacement therapy and have been living full time as a woman. My workplace is very accepting of this and has been a huge help over the last 7-8 months as I have battled some of my inner demons and decided to make things official.
Thank you all for understanding and be well.
Facts and circumstances may have changed since publication. Please contact me before jumping to conclusions if something seems wrong or unclear.